Fiona Tate Wordcaster

How do you choose your idols?

It’s that time of year again. The anniversary of Elvis’s passing. Yes. I’m an Elvis Freak. And I’m proud of it. What kind of a weirdo doesn’t like Elvis?

Anyhoo, this year it’s got me thinking about the people we idolise. Maybe idolise is too strong a word, how about the people we follow, are interested in, read about? I have several and in some cases it’s pretty obvious why I like them. Elvis definitely fits into this group. But in other cases, it’s not so obvious.

My husband and I were discussing it the other night. He’s not interested in pop stars, or actors, his idols are war heroes. Very noble. But I think if he looked at it a little more closely he would discover that the reason his idols are war heroes aren’t that much different from the reasons I choose my idols. It’s about overcoming the odds. Standing up for what you believe in. And doing the right thing.

My idols tend to be people who turn their mental illnesses into strengths and art. People who write and celebrate their differences and show their vulnerability, and women who fight for fairness, in all of its forms. Doesn’t sound much different from war heroes, does it?

There’s a growing group of women making noise out there and these are my new idols. The likes of Helen Mirren, Ashley Graham, Jennifer Aniston. Hedy Lamarr, do you know about her? She was an actress, absolutely gorgeous. What a lot of people don’t know about her, and should know about her, is that she was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame in 2014. She and a dude called George Antheil invented a scientific thingamyjig that was used for the Allied war effort and became the basis of our wifi and bluetooth. (No, I can’t explain it any better than that because I simply do not understand it. Way over my head)

Hedy Lamarr was known for her acting, despite an amazing achievement in another field. Jennifer Aniston and Helen Mirren are known as actresses who are constantly having to publicly defend the fact that they don’t have children but are, in fact, still actually women. Ashley Graham? Well, she’s a “plus size model.” Sigh. These women are doing something that women fought hard for the right to do. They’re voicing their opinions. They’re telling others to bugger off and mind their own business. They’re showing, not just telling, the next generations of young girls that you don’t have to do, or be, what society expects you to. Different is not “less than.” There is no “one right way.”

I don’t know about you, but I think that should be celebrated. Loudly.

Now, there’s a sentence that could start an argument in an empty room.

In my opinion? A whole heap. But that’s not something new, is it? Each generation has its own troubles and its own version of “How we’re destroying the world.” And each generation could argue that their technology, habits, wars, whatever, are destroying (or saving) the world.

I make it sound hopeless, don’t I? I don’t mean to. And I don’t think it’s a lost cause. What I do think, is that we each have to do our bit to make this world a better place. That can be something as “small” as not using plastic bags when you pack your groceries, or something as “big” as “Band Aid” (Look it up young’uns)

So. What am I doing to help the world? Oh, I’m on a crusade. I’m improving the mental health of the people of the world. I’m making women feel good about themselves, whatever their circumstances. I’m reducing the suicide rate which is absolutely horrendous worldwide but particularly in New Zealand where I live. I’m currently focusing on women, because I believe that it’s time we had more power in this world, the guys have had it for ages, and look where we are.

I’m not stopping there though. I’m teaching people that a different life is still a valuable one. We should celebrate our differences, learn from each other, give a shit about other people’s beliefs whether we agree with them or not. Can you imagine what kind of world we would have if we didn’t go to war because I believe in a different God than you?

And yes, I know this all sounds very idealistic and lofty. So, how am I going to take on such a huge task? One step at a time, my friends, one step at a time. When I accepted my childlessness, I also decided that I just didn’t give a shit anymore. No more worrying about what other people thought of me, no more trying to fit in, no more trying not to stand out (which was always a lost cause considering my weight at the time).

For years I’d put off dressing the way I wanted to, dying my hair the colors I wanted to, and getting the tattoos I wanted to, in case I embarrassed my future children.

Heal Your Heart and Find Your Passion

The pain of childlessness isn't going to go away. You know this. It's a part of you now. And honestly, would you really want it to go away?Your pain is the proof of your Childless by Circumstance status. It's the scar you wish the world could see. Maybe then, if they have some actual physical evidence, they might understand. Just a little.

It's not going to happen, Darlin'. Not if you don't do anything about it. You have to take action. You have to grab your childless life with both hands and shake it up until it evolves into something beautiful.

Yes it is possible. I know what I'm talking about. I've done it. I'm still doing it. And I'm loving every minute of it too. I'm living proof that you can survive your childlessness by taking all that pain and making something beautiful from it. Something you can be proud of, something you can leave behind when you're gone. Your legacy.

Welcome, Gentle Reader, and Congratulations!

You’ve made a wise choice in seeking guidance from myself, Countess Drusilla Steele. I am the absolute authority on living the unscheduled, unconventional, life. Although, I do have a confession to make…Are you ready…?

It actually took me a long time to find the courage to accept my unscheduled life. But once I did, it gave me the freedom to live the unconventional life that I’d never been brave enough to live before. I was too busy trying to conform. Too busy trying to be normal. I’m not saying it was easy, because it fucking well wasn’t. But I either went completely around the bend, (and trust me, I’m already half way there) or I found something else to feel passionate about.

I knew it was never going to replace the children I never had. But I choose to believe that there’s a reason why I don’t have kids, I’m just not yet 100% sure what that reason is. So, until I figure it out, I’m gonna live the way I want to, dress the way I want to, and write the way I want to. And one of the things I want to do, is help you reach the stage that I’m at. Hopefully, it won’t take you as long as it took me.

And that’s what needs to stop. Our conversations. Our assumptions. Our ridiculous idea that we have the right to know about someone else’s body and whether or not someone has used it to reproduce.

Why? Because whether we mean to or not, the next thought we have after getting a “no” to this question is “Why not?” Whether it’s said out loud or just thought, we can’t help ourselves. And believe me, there are plenty of people out there who think it’s well within their rights to say it out loud. Countess Drusilla has one or two things to say about those people.

So here’s what I’m envisioning right now:

So…Who am I and how the hell did I end up here?

I’m so pleased you asked.

The short answer is, “I haven’t a clue.” It certainly ain’t where I expected to be at the ripe old age of 47.

After saying that, the fact that I made it to 47 years of age, is in itself a minor miracle. It could so easily have gone even more wrong, so many times.

Don’t get me wrong, other people have had it so much worse than I ever did, it’s just that the life I have now, is so far removed from the one I expected to have. Know what I mean?

So here’s the basics: