An Englishman wanted to become an Irishman, so he visited a doctor to find out how to go about this. "Well" said the doctor, "this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain". "That's OK" said the Englishman. "I've always wanted to be Irish and I'm prepared to take the risk".

The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find a look of horror on the face of the doctor. "I'm so terribly sorry!!" the doctor said. "Instead of removing half the brain, I've taken the whole brain out". The patient replied, "No worries, mate!!" Hi John, NZ didn't get into this one - might be because I am a NZer. Sounds like a fun project you have there and I would like to be a part of it....thanks Ross Thompson

Wow! What a fun job! I'd love to write some columns for this website. I fancy myself a humourous well written individual and have plenty of website content experience. I'd be happy to provide some examples of my work also - or provide a sample. My quote is per 500 word column including images and captions.

I've written humorous articles for The Shovel and The Chasers. I can complete this task for $60 a column, up to 500 words. Contact me and I'll provide samples of my published work. Cheers!

Hi John S. I have a sense of humour and I'm not afraid to step outside the box with mad titles or invent new ideas for old topics. Eg • Here’s how to stand 5cm taller in one easy step. Lofty Aspirations have the elevated men’s shoes to give a lift to your personal presentation so you can stand out above the crowd. I also write children's stories and do pencil sketches for those. I take great photos, see Weekend Notes profile: http://www.weekendnotes.com/profile/658540/

Why I'm a great choice of freelancer to do your work? Because I'm funny? Yes, and because I've been writing website content for the past five years through my freelance contacts and have a great command of English grammar (English is my native language). Also, I'd love to write the articles you've suggested because they'd give me a chance to flex my creative muscles and the topics sound like a whole lot of fun. What a relief to write something that isn't couched in corporate jargon about how to build your talent pool, or giving 10 tips on how to de-stress the cat, the latter of course being much more interesting. I've been a journalist for many years and can handle any writing challenge as long as it doesn't bore me to distraction, even then I'd give it a go. You are welcome to contact me for more details.

Hi John I have a quirky sense of humor and love to write wacky stuff that gets people thinking. I've even used that humor in my published books on careers and small business.

I love the way the US loves their dogs...to the extreme...and their weird road signs...and their church signs ('don't wait to come to church in a box' is a favourite)...and so on.

Obviously, I've missed something in your ad, because I can't see how many columns you want written or your budget. That's funny!

The applicants above have obviously worked that out because they've provided bids and timeframes. Hmn!

I'll base my bid on three long form articles and will have them in your inbox in 7 days.

Look forward to having a chat soon..

Regards Dawn Richards